If Your Child has been Sexually Abused


Be aware that:

• Children are usually molested by people they know; it's often a relative or friend of the family

• Children seldom lie about such a serious matter

• Not all children are able to tell parents directly that they have been molested. Changes in behavior, reluctance to be with a certain person, or go to a certain place may be signals that something has happened.

• A child may tell someone other than their parents. It is important not to be offended by this. Usually the child feels responsible, ashamed, and afraid they are wrong or "bad." Consequently, they may be afraid to tell a parent first. Or, as with many cases, the abuser tells the child not to tell the parent and may even threaten them or the parent.

• Your initial reactions to your child are important. However, hearing this about your child is shocking and upsetting. If your initial reaction was not one of support, acceptance, and relative calm, then you can rectify that by going back and talking openly and honestly about how you felt.

• It is important that the child knows you do not blame him/her and that you are not angry at him/her. Also, do not treat him/her differently after he/she discloses. Try and continue things as they have been with a little more support, time, and communication from you.
  
   

What to do Immediately

• Go with the child to a private place. Ask the child to tell you what happened in his/her own words. Listen carefully.  Do not ask details.

• Tell the child that you are glad he/she told you what happened and that telling was the right thing to do.

• If you suspect your child has an injury, take him/her to your regular pediatrician or emergency room.

• Contact the Department of Human Resources / Police Department for the county in which you live. This is a crime and must be reported.

• Be supportive for your child as he/she needs you. Allow him/her to talk about it if he/she wants to, but do not quiz or force him/her to talk.
  
   

Helping Your Child Following the Assault

• Continue to believe your child and do not blame him/her for what happened

• Consult with your pediatrician regarding needs for medical examination

• Instruct your child to tell you immediately if the offender attempts sexual molestation again or bothers him/her in any way.

• Give your child reassurance and support that he/she is okay. Do not encourage him/her to "just forget it." Trying to sweep the problem under the rug usually causes more problems because it will not go away.

• Respond to questions or feelings your child expresses about the molestation with a calm, matter-of-fact attitude, but do not pressure him/her.

• Respect the privacy of your child by not telling a lot of people. If you feel you need to let someone know, other than the authorities, ask the child first and find out how he/she feels about it.

• Try to continue with the regular routine in the home. Expect the usual chores, betimes, rules. etc.

• Take time to talk it over privately with someone you trust. Express your feelings; DO NOT discuss the situation with others in front of your child or other children.

• Do not feel afraid to express some of your feelings to and with your child. It may help them to know you are angry too, and together, work on those feelings. Appearing as if you are fine and unaffected may make the child feel you do not care.

• Be careful not to question your child about the abuse.  If you do, you can jeopardize the case in court against the abuser.

• If your child wants to talk about it, listen supportively, but do not probe.